


Alone

by Numquam_satiabam



Series: I Promise [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Sadness, thats all - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 09:41:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7613152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Numquam_satiabam/pseuds/Numquam_satiabam





	Alone

I was inconsolable for days.

I spent most of my time crying, locked in the apartment. I tore it apart, tables toppled over, glass broken. I felt unwhole. I pretty much ignored Stevie despite his attempts to talk to me and get me to get out of the apartment.

And then he left too.

And everything was so much worse.

…

It took a few months but my application to be a field nurse finally went through. I hated blood and I hated the gore, but I kept telling myself someone might walk in the medical tent and it might be James or Stevie on the cot. 

Bleeding. Hurt. Dying.

So I kept going.

I was transferred from camp to camp, helping the wounded, easing pain when I could, holding hands when I couldn’t. I spent my nights laying in bed, hoping and praying that James and Steve wouldn’t show up here.

But I also prayed they would, just so I could see them one last time. I was a horrible person.

Everywhere I was transferred I asked if anyone had seen or heard about James Barnes or Steve Rogers.

But no one had any answers.

Until someone did.

I was tending to his gunshot wounds, pressing warm wet cloth to the wounds to help the bleeding as a doctor worked on his leg, which would have to be amputated. I took long steadying breathes, trying to push through, he’d been through worse, I could handle a little blood.

The doctor and I made small chat as the man groaned and grit his teeth.

“I heard from the camp over in the East,” he said softly, hands feeling around the break and trying to see how far the damage was. “No news about your boy Barnes or Rogers, I’m sorry.”

“I-it’s okay,” I murmured, “honestly, I don’t know if I would rather hear about them hurt or not hear about them at all.” The soldier grunted and shifted on the cot.

“Barnes? James Barnes and Steve Rogers?” he asked gruffly. 

I blinked and swallowed thickly. “Yes. Yes, do you know them? Have you heard about them?” I asked quickly.

The man grimaced. “I was part of their division. The Commandos. Good group. Great men. You know them or were you one of them fans?”

“I-“ I bit my lip hard and took a deep breath. “I’m James’s girlfriend.”

The man huffed. “Didn’t know he had a girl.” I tried not to let that cut me too deeply as I looked away for a moment. “Last I heard they were on some secret op. Big plans. But then Barnes went and got himself captured the damned fool. Rogers’ abandoned the mission and is going after ‘im.”

I felt the blood drain from my face.

“Captured, captured by who?” I asked distressed, heart pounding.

“The enemy of course girl, are you thick?”

I passed out.

…

It wasn’t long after that I got wind of the Commandos, who’d been storming the war side as I heard. They were legends, led by the great Captain America, or Stevie, as I’d always think of him.

I had faith that Steve would rescue Bucky. He’d never leave him.

It was when I heard about James’ death that my world fell apart. Off the side of a train, no body recovered, nothing left for a funeral.

And then I heard about Steve. Disappearing into the ocean. Saving countless lives by being selfless. That sounded like Stevie and I couldn’t fault him for being a hero.

I was all alone again.

Honestly I’m not sure how I made it through. When I got wind of the news, I was desolate. Devastated. Broken. I tried to throw myself of a bridge. But a man with a kind face and strong enough arms to pull me back from the edge as I was going saved me.

I ended up marrying him.

He wasn’t James but he was a nice man. A stock broker who worked in the upper side of New York. I kept my apartment in Brooklyn though. I couldn’t bear to let it go. I couldn’t let go of that one piece I still had left.

When we married, I wore a simple white dress to the court house, and carried a bouquet of red roses. I didn’t want a big wedding, I had no family or friends to invite. Not long after, we had a son, a cute little red headed boy with bright green eyes, and three years later we had a daughter, with hair dark like wood and eyes to match.

I loved my family, and I loved my husband. But no one could replace James. Some nights, when I lost myself, I called my husband James and spent the rest of the night crying, feeling like the worst kind of person as my husband rocked me and told me he understood and he wasn’t hurt.

Sometimes I’d be standing in the market, and I’d spot a bunch of daffodils, and my heart would ache. I’d see a display of the Commandos, Steve standing at the head, Bucky to his side and my eyes would tear up, but I got better at trying to forget about what I couldn’t have and what I’d never get back.

Until it got worse.

It was worse when I got older, and I couldn’t remember things. I couldn’t remember where my house was, I thought I still lived in Brooklyn. I didn’t understand why my husband’s hair wasn’t brown and his eyes weren’t blue, and why he didn't demand respect as an army veteran.

I didn’t know why my daughter wouldn’t bring her children around me at the home and let me tell them about their grandfather and my childhood and how things were different back then and that the history books didn’t have it all right, there was so much more they didn’t say.

I couldn’t understand.

I couldn’t remember.

But I always remembered him.


End file.
